Stories that Shine on an Awesome God

Posts tagged ‘trauma’

More Than Survival

The seed lands in gravel. No one notices. No one cares about the life stored within. It’s on gravel, after all, atop hard-baked ground next to a plain, metal building. Alone. Without worth.

Rain on the roof drips from the edge. Softens the seed. Life sprouts. What else can it do but try?

Sun warms. Below gravel, tender roots grasp soil of clay. Pitiful nourishment.

Cool mornings.

Blistering mid-days.

Dark nights.

A tinge of green uncurls into an environment it did not choose.

Rain. Sun. Rain. Sun. Rain.

Leaves uncurl. A blossom forms.

Sun…sun.

More Sun.

Exhausting.

Unending.

Abuse.

A few green leaves. Perhaps a flower will unfold, but drought forbids fruit.  

A woman seeks relief from the abusive heat. Reading as she walks, she glances aside, noticing what the seed has tried to produce.  Her thoughts, otherwise wrapped in an epic story of human survival, pause amazed at how beauty arises from harshness. The plant has somehow survived. With a flower like that, it has more than survived.

The woman continues her reading. It is one survivor’s story among many.

A seed.

A root.

A leaf.

A blossom.

The stories are coming to life, producing fruit. She is writing one herself.

A child is born. What else can it do but try?

Yet, who wants to merely survive? Who wants to be known only for their exhausting, constant struggle for identity and life? People commend what is survived. But when one is drowning and struggling for air, who among us would want to only be told we’re strong?

Action laced with words of love and care are better than pats on the back for endurance.

And what of the struggle? Will it ever produce? If only a leaf or, by chance, a bloom forms, will that be enough?

Chances are high any person we meet has experienced life-altering abuse or trauma. They may be in the root stage, the leaf, or perhaps the blossom. We can be Love’s hands and voice and action for intervention. We can provide the water of refreshment and the warmth of truth and light.

Let’s be kind.

Think before we judge or speak.

Be aware of pain.

Follow our hearts.

Seek to understand.

Take root.

Blossom.

Produce.

And, if you’re still a dry seed, there is life inside and it is enough.

“For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy, I dwell in the high and holy place, with him ALSO that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones…I will heal him; I will lead him also and restore comforts unto him.”

Isaiah 47: 15 & 18

“And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul, then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noonday.”

Isaiah 58:10

Here’s a link to the epic story mentioned above. I am acquainted with the writer and his wife. The story, while long and at times unbelievable, is true and is another example of how God navigates through the network of evil to protect and provide and to “restore comforts.”

https://m.barnesandnoble.com/w/33rd-degree-married-lewis-miles/1139714716?ean=2940162521556

Category:

Breaking through Darkness, Childhood Abuse and Trauma, Points of Light, Restoration from Abuse

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A Safe Place

Condensed from guest blogger, Misty Dawn, at Shakam Boqer

You can be a safe place.

You can be a safe place for the victim. Being a safe place means allowing their feelings and hurt to be fully expressed and regarded as valid in the face of the emotional, verbal and physiological, or even physical, sexual or financial abuse they have endured.

Simple questions like, “What happened?” “What are you thinking?” “How do you feel?” will help show your support. Reflect back what they’ve shared so they will know their feelings and hurts are valid.

It’s okay to say, “I hurt for you.” “This makes my heart hurt.” Or “This makes me angry for you.”  This validates the victim’s sense of anger. However, be careful not to overstate your own emotions to the victim. Simple statements that make the victim feel cared for, validated, and heard are best.

Don’t make them feel like they have to take care of or protect you or themselves from your emotional response. Hold your anger until you can express it away from the victim.

Support people may need to call the abuse what it is. Even as an adult, I needed the words.  I needed short, simple, declarative statements such as:

“Calling someone names is verbal abuse. It’s not okay to be called idiot, stupid, quitter, coward…. It’s never okay to be cursed at. It is verbal abuse, and I understand why you feel hurt.”

“Taking sex by force, even in marriage, is rape. It’s not love. It’s sexual abuse. You have permission to be hurt and angry.”

“Punching or shoving in anger is physical abuse. It’s inappropriate behavior and not okay.”

“Discipline of children doesn’t include a balled up fist, regardless of the child’s age. That’s abuse. You have a valid reason to be angry.”

“Being told you are damned to hell for ending the abuse cycle is spiritual abuse. It’s okay to be upset by those words.”

“What you experienced is trauma. It’s okay to have a trauma response, to have panic attacks, a hard time breathing, or talking, or putting together sentences.  Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself those responses.” 

Support people can give the victim permission they deeply need.  They can give permission to the victim to be angry. To be hurt. To cry. To wail. To vent. To get help. To find a counselor. To say hard things. To hold boundaries. AND most importantly, give them permission to leave the abuse.

Giving permission to leave is different them telling them to leave. Don’t tell them to leave. I heard, more than once, “You need to leave his sorry ass.” But that wasn’t helpful. I needed permission, not advice. Give them permission to leave, to be done. They have to make the choice on their own, and they need to know that you will support their choice.

I once saw a child who had been given the permission by professionals around them, to hold boundaries with their abuser. I’ve never, in my life, seen a child run and play as freely and largely as that child played that day! I swear if they’d had wings, they would have flown! As it was, they climbed higher, spun faster, ran more swiftly, skipped more exuberantly than I’ve ever seen that child or any child play. I will never forget that day. 

Give the victim permission to have and hold boundaries. That’s often all they need. 

Lastly – speak life! Speak to the victim’s value. Speak to the love of God for them! Compliment their character, their creativity, their passions.

Victims have most often been told and therefore internalized some massive lies about their worth, value and beloved-ness. The effects of this verbal and emotional abuse was recently described as a “weighted blanket of negative words” that holds the victim down. It feels all warm and cozy because that’s all the victim knows, but their psyche is dying. They are likely depressed and may even be suicidal.

Your words of life are the antidote. They will help lift the blanket off.

Speak life!

The Lord your God is in you midst. A Warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with joy; He will be quiet in His love [making no mention of your past sins]. He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”

Zephaniah 3:17 AMP

Category:

Breaking through Darkness, domestic abuse, Joyful, Points of Light, Restoration from Abuse

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Upgraded Passion

This is the story of one writer’s journey. It’s also a story of one awesome God. Both are mine.

God and I birthed this blog seven years ago. The blog grew. It faltered with neglect. I tended it and it blossomed. Fortunately, it never died. Writing a full-length-fiction-based-on-my-own-story consumed blogging time.

And other excuses.

In that first blog, I wrote, “Nothing thrills me more than to discover a new example, a new angle, of God’s love at work. Nothing.” That passion motivated me. It continues to motivate.

Now, God’s added another passion.

My journey to this new passion started in the fall of 1990 when I began to write for my own catharsis. I edited, re-edited, let life take over, and stopped writing for years. In 2013, I spent money and time to hone the craft of writing (I still have much to learn.) More re-writes ensued.

The manuscript “completed,” I pitched it as a “love-lost-found” story. I envisioned my audience as women who had not let God lead in their youthful choices and who could share the book with their children as guidance. A few editors showed interest, but only with a complete re-write. I understood their point. For a story of that theme, the end needed to come first. My gut said, “hold back.”

“But, when, God? When?”

My timing is perfect. Wait on Me. In fact, put your love-lost-found story aside. The time is not now. Work on your sister’s story.

I began to research and write a second fiction-based-on-a-true-story. This work is about survival from abuse and integration from DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). It caused me to look more closely at how the events in her life affected mine. Boy, did they ever!

A Culture of Silence pervades both stories. This culture enabled me to lose that young love and to deny the truth of my heart. This culture demanded my sister lose her complete, God-given identity.

In the process of writing her story, my first book took on a different theme and the idea for a series I’m calling Sisters of Silence was hatched.

So, now, I have a new theme and a new audience—adult survivors and their siblings of childhood abuse and trauma who are breaking through the silence. It was a cognitive realization. But how to reach that audience? What to say? Where to go?

“I’m not getting any younger, here.”

In My time, sweetie. Just chill.

Last month, my sister and I visited a little-bit of a woman with great faith, a dedicated plot of ground, and a supportive husband. She’s a survivor too. She’s also an author. She’s been working publicly a lot longer than I have on these issues through her ministry, Broken Pieces No More. www.brokenpiecesnomore.org

As she told me about the hidden abuses in her area, God’s Holy Spirit moved my heart with an upgraded passion. In the days that followed, I heard my Savior say,

You’ve lived under the shadow of abuse all your life, Merita—in that culture of silence. In fact, you were molested and deeply impacted. All these years of writing the “wrong” story was your training ground. Continue to work closely with your new friend and with your sister. They have much to offer.

Plus, I’m calling you to seriously reach out to other survivors. They are more than an audience that you mentally catalogue and market. They are real people with similar experiences. You love them and can empathize.

Remind them the deceiver often mixes religion into their abuse so they grow afraid of anything spiritual and become unable to truly heal. Tell how the dark side pits it’s victims against the truth of My love. Share your stories of how My light broke through for you and others—how it sets the oppressed free.

Your mind has been engaged for years. Now, your heart is too. Because you’re heart is now all-in, it’s time.

Evidently, my journey is only beginning. I breathe in deep, humbled by the thought.

“I’m just a newbie writer, Lord, but here I am. Send me.”

“For we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” 







			

			

			
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