Stories that Shine on an Awesome God

Posts tagged ‘silence’

Making Do

Compared to others, my family didn’t have much money, but one thing we shared with our community was the Culture of Silence.  If something bad or questionable happened, it was all hush-hush or became part of the gossip mill in which I was seldom included. Hard issues like abuse or trauma—even my own—were never dealt with directly.

I became adept at ignoring the obvious, and I could for sure make-do. Making do with what I had financially and emotionally became a well-honed skill. I learned to do the best with what I had.

(These ladies are making-do well before my time)

Mental health was never talked about, but like most humans, I sought love, joy, and beauty. This pursuit became my life-saver.

When, in 1990, my repression of silence broke free and I was ready to process the hidden, dark places in order to heal, my ability to look for beauty among ashes served me well.

Long before that date, I was given the gift of quilt-making. When I was fourteen, a dear friend’s mother invited me over to help her quilt. Later, during the winter of my first child’s birth, my husband worked away so I was alone for days. I gathered scraps from past sewing projects and pieced a sunny quilt top.

Quilting filled the void of my husband’s absence. The scraps refreshed happy memories of clothing I had made for myself and others. It afforded beauty. It was also inexpensive.

I made-do with what I had.

When I first married, someone donated a depleted couch that was covered in stains. I was determined to hide the ugly. This time, I crocheted a large granny-square afghan that stayed on that couch for years.

Later, in order to make my home beautiful, I quilted bedspreads and sewed curtains.

Like choosing a pattern and fabric, I’d been given just so much to work with in life. I had to do the best with what I had, but I could create beauty.

And so can you. No matter our past, each of us can create.

Our creativity comes from our Creator God. If you don’t feel it, try something simple. A coloring book and crayons are pretty basic. A pencil and paper costs little. Digging the ground and planting  flower seeds works too.

It’s amazing what difficult issues we can process when our hands are busy creating.

When we express ourselves through our own creations, we are coming out of silence. When we create, our mental health improves and, despite our pain, we begin to catch glimpses of beauty.

O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness: fear before him, all the earth.

Psalm 96:9 KJV

And thou shalt make holy garments for Aaron thy brother for glory and for beauty.

Exodus 28:2 KJV

Category:

Creative, Culture of Silence, Points of Light, Restoration from Abuse, Shining on God's Character

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Treasures of Darkness

It’s dark on top of our hill out here in the country—miles from any town. Very dark, with no electricity. I love to sleep in total darkness, but I don’t want to live in it. I slip away from my bed and wander outside.

I’ve been interacting with survivors of childhood trauma who are desperate for answers, resources, hope…anything to bring them relief.  I think of them, as, high above, myriads of stars shine their glory.

A verse at the front of the story I’m currently writing comes to mind:

“And I will give thee treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the Lord, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel.”

Isaiah 45:3 KJV

“Okay, Lord God, I’m trying to hear You, but….”

Is there anything darker than the mind of one abused in childhood? Especially abuse mixed with religion that disfigures Your very character? Is there any place more impossible for light to reach?

How can riches be hidden in a heart that has absorbed the evilness and lies of the perpetrator—when the only “secret places” are the secrets one is forced to keep? When one’s personal identity is obliterated with each cruelty, what, please tell, is this name of which You speak?

His stars blink back a silent answer of constancy. Perhaps the morning will bring answers. If only there were a manual.

I text my sister. “Can you recommend a resource I can share?”

Within minutes her reply glows on my phone:

“From my experience, without God, you have no way to really know what you even need. Your abuse doesn’t come with a recovery manual.

“God created you. Only He knows who you were created to be. But you can be certain it wasn’t to be abused. All of us have been lied to because it’s lying people who abuse. And because of that, I knew only God was big enough–was wise enough, was safe enough and true and faithful enough to trust with my story and to write a different ending than the only one I thought possible.

“He was the only one willing to love me enough to die for me, but more important to live for me every day and work out all I needed.

“His promises had power and hope and the outcome only He could create one step at a time. One question at a time. One tear at a time. His love is what has broken down all my walls and fulfilled my dreams better than I could have imagined. And He doesn’t stop! Healing from Him covers all the need and raises me up to more than I knew possible.

“You want a manual? Just walk with Him. He has the pathway all planned and ready. And He will only go as fast as you are ready to go and slow enough to give you all the processing you need. He will only lead you, never push you.”

I turn off my phone and sleep until sunlight rises over the eastern mountain and splashes the tops of the trees outside. Bird song floats through the cool breeze. I breathe deep and, from a grateful heart, whisper a prayer.

God’s healing power to reconcile through Jesus Christ—to restore and make whole—is the a treasure that can shine from the darkness of abuse.

Of course, He uses therapists and those who have studied the workings of the brain, the effects of trauma on a child, but it is His love that does the healing, restores identity, and calls us by name.

Paul (2 Corinthians 4:6&7) refers to this treasure as the “light that God commanded to shine out of darkness.” He said this treasure has been put in the earthen vessels of our hearts to shine and give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ, who, it turns out, is an accurate depiction of God’s character.

Through His love and acceptance, God provides healing. He will walk alongside through the fear of remembering. He will call you by name, and you won’t be afraid to answer. His Treasures of Darkness and Hidden Riches are there for the asking.

“The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.  But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble.”

Psalms 4:18 and 19 NIV

Category:

Breaking through Darkness, Childhood Abuse and Trauma, Healer, Identity Restored, Points of Light, Restoration from Abuse, Shining on God's Character

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Upgraded Passion

This is the story of one writer’s journey. It’s also a story of one awesome God. Both are mine.

God and I birthed this blog seven years ago. The blog grew. It faltered with neglect. I tended it and it blossomed. Fortunately, it never died. Writing a full-length-fiction-based-on-my-own-story consumed blogging time.

And other excuses.

In that first blog, I wrote, “Nothing thrills me more than to discover a new example, a new angle, of God’s love at work. Nothing.” That passion motivated me. It continues to motivate.

Now, God’s added another passion.

My journey to this new passion started in the fall of 1990 when I began to write for my own catharsis. I edited, re-edited, let life take over, and stopped writing for years. In 2013, I spent money and time to hone the craft of writing (I still have much to learn.) More re-writes ensued.

The manuscript “completed,” I pitched it as a “love-lost-found” story. I envisioned my audience as women who had not let God lead in their youthful choices and who could share the book with their children as guidance. A few editors showed interest, but only with a complete re-write. I understood their point. For a story of that theme, the end needed to come first. My gut said, “hold back.”

“But, when, God? When?”

My timing is perfect. Wait on Me. In fact, put your love-lost-found story aside. The time is not now. Work on your sister’s story.

I began to research and write a second fiction-based-on-a-true-story. This work is about survival from abuse and integration from DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). It caused me to look more closely at how the events in her life affected mine. Boy, did they ever!

A Culture of Silence pervades both stories. This culture enabled me to lose that young love and to deny the truth of my heart. This culture demanded my sister lose her complete, God-given identity.

In the process of writing her story, my first book took on a different theme and the idea for a series I’m calling Sisters of Silence was hatched.

So, now, I have a new theme and a new audience—adult survivors and their siblings of childhood abuse and trauma who are breaking through the silence. It was a cognitive realization. But how to reach that audience? What to say? Where to go?

“I’m not getting any younger, here.”

In My time, sweetie. Just chill.

Last month, my sister and I visited a little-bit of a woman with great faith, a dedicated plot of ground, and a supportive husband. She’s a survivor too. She’s also an author. She’s been working publicly a lot longer than I have on these issues through her ministry, Broken Pieces No More. www.brokenpiecesnomore.org

As she told me about the hidden abuses in her area, God’s Holy Spirit moved my heart with an upgraded passion. In the days that followed, I heard my Savior say,

You’ve lived under the shadow of abuse all your life, Merita—in that culture of silence. In fact, you were molested and deeply impacted. All these years of writing the “wrong” story was your training ground. Continue to work closely with your new friend and with your sister. They have much to offer.

Plus, I’m calling you to seriously reach out to other survivors. They are more than an audience that you mentally catalogue and market. They are real people with similar experiences. You love them and can empathize.

Remind them the deceiver often mixes religion into their abuse so they grow afraid of anything spiritual and become unable to truly heal. Tell how the dark side pits it’s victims against the truth of My love. Share your stories of how My light broke through for you and others—how it sets the oppressed free.

Your mind has been engaged for years. Now, your heart is too. Because you’re heart is now all-in, it’s time.

Evidently, my journey is only beginning. I breathe in deep, humbled by the thought.

“I’m just a newbie writer, Lord, but here I am. Send me.”

“For we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” 







			

			

			
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