Stories that Shine on an Awesome God

Making Do

Compared to others, my family didn’t have much money, but one thing we shared with our community was the Culture of Silence.  If something bad or questionable happened, it was all hush-hush or became part of the gossip mill in which I was seldom included. Hard issues like abuse or trauma—even my own—were never dealt with directly.

I became adept at ignoring the obvious, and I could for sure make-do. Making do with what I had financially and emotionally became a well-honed skill. I learned to do the best with what I had.

(These ladies are making-do well before my time)

Mental health was never talked about, but like most humans, I sought love, joy, and beauty. This pursuit became my life-saver.

When, in 1990, my repression of silence broke free and I was ready to process the hidden, dark places in order to heal, my ability to look for beauty among ashes served me well.

Long before that date, I was given the gift of quilt-making. When I was fourteen, a dear friend’s mother invited me over to help her quilt. Later, during the winter of my first child’s birth, my husband worked away so I was alone for days. I gathered scraps from past sewing projects and pieced a sunny quilt top.

Quilting filled the void of my husband’s absence. The scraps refreshed happy memories of clothing I had made for myself and others. It afforded beauty. It was also inexpensive.

I made-do with what I had.

When I first married, someone donated a depleted couch that was covered in stains. I was determined to hide the ugly. This time, I crocheted a large granny-square afghan that stayed on that couch for years.

Later, in order to make my home beautiful, I quilted bedspreads and sewed curtains.

Like choosing a pattern and fabric, I’d been given just so much to work with in life. I had to do the best with what I had, but I could create beauty.

And so can you. No matter our past, each of us can create.

Our creativity comes from our Creator God. If you don’t feel it, try something simple. A coloring book and crayons are pretty basic. A pencil and paper costs little. Digging the ground and planting  flower seeds works too.

It’s amazing what difficult issues we can process when our hands are busy creating.

When we express ourselves through our own creations, we are coming out of silence. When we create, our mental health improves and, despite our pain, we begin to catch glimpses of beauty.

O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness: fear before him, all the earth.

Psalm 96:9 KJV

And thou shalt make holy garments for Aaron thy brother for glory and for beauty.

Exodus 28:2 KJV

Comments on: "Making Do" (4)

  1. Sandra K Stein said:

    I didn’t know you were a quilter. Those quilts, bedspread, and afghan are beautiful. You are so talented, and I’m glad you found your voice in the midst of it all. ♥

  2. Your quilts are beautiful! I am a survivor of severe childhood trauma. Through the years my safest places have been in art classes. My high-school art teacher spent so much time with me that she was the only person who picked up on my abuse and gave me an opportunity to report it. I am a fiber artist now. I spin yarn, knit and crochet, weave and felt. I also used to make quilts and would like to do it again. I’ve been thinking about making a quilt with wool and felted patchwork. Thank you for your blog and for speaking out. I just love your writing. I would like to write, but I dissociate so much I can hardly finish a sentence. Thank you sommuch for being a voice for people like me. Much love and a big hug. We are sisters in our survival and I can’t wait to meet you in heaven some day.

    • Hi, Kate. I want to apologize for being so delinquent in responding. 2022 and forward have been really tough on me and my family, but I’m getting back on track with my writing. They were tough, but during these last couple years I’ve learned much about the underworld of abuse and SRA, so I’m grateful for that.

      Working with fibers is such a great, three-dimensional way to get your creativity a release. You are unique and your identity is safe in our heavenly Father. I would love to see your work!

      Currently I’m building a new website (with the help of a professional) and hope to be able to connect with you there as well at https://meritaatherlyengen.com. My first book in my Sisters of Silence series is titled Heartache of Promise and I plan to launch it this fall. Maybe you could follow me on my Facebook page, Sisters of Silence, or my Merita Atherly Engen, Author page.

      Two resources have really helped me. The first is survivorsupport.net. This is Jon Uhler’s site. He is a Christian therapist with years of experience with trauma, abuse, and DID. His site is loaded with good resources. I first learned of Jon on Emma Kathrine’s podcast, The Imagination. She interviews survivors of all kinds and is a real voice. She’s on several platforms including Spotify and YouTube.

      Again, I’m sorry I didn’t get back with you, but I hope you are at peace and look forward to more communication.

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