Pulling folders out of the metal cabinet, I glanced at their tabs before tossing them into the trash bag. “Church Communications, Youth Ministry, Sermon Topic Ideas . . . .”
“I won’t need these anymore, ever,” I gritted as the mound on the floor grew. “After what I’ve done, the shame and dishonesty, God can never use me again. Never.”
My eyes fell on a manuscript draft that had launched a creative flourish nearly a decade before.
“This I’m keeping, but not much else.”
The emotional pain constricting my heart blocked any thought of creativity.
I tied the ends of the trash bag and set it outside the room that had once been my daughter’s. Before she married and left home. Before I had turned it into my own private space to write and study. The file cabinet was empty just like my side of the walk-in closet down the hall.
It was time to leave. Time to make a new home. Time to live out the consequences of my choices in an arena devoid of church fellowship or ministry.
Four years later:
I bent over a hoe, scratching dirt around tender corn stalks. Creativity did not enter my mind. Surrendering to the hoe, to the whole, huge garden that my new husband loved, filled every crevice of my thoughts. Straightening my back, I gave in and breathed an agreement to learn the lessons that garden had to teach.
“And I will write! I will write those lessons.”
Creative musings stirred as if roused from the grave. New life seemed to surge from deep within.
“Perhaps, just perhaps God will use me again.”
Thank you, heavenly Father. Thank You for being a God who creates and recreates. Always. Constantly. You never stop creating. Creativity is how You mend a tattered heart. Thank You for the creativity You place in me. Thank You for its healing power.
How has God revealed Himself through your creativity? Care to share?
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalms 51:10
My passion: Discovering God. My pleasure: Knowing you are blessed when I share.
Comments on: "Creative Healer" (7)
God determines to make Himself known to us, when we notice Him in His creation. I am so thankful that you opened your heart to Him again in that garden so that your healing would make it possible for you to touch my life. You will touch many more through your writing and friendship. May He continue to lead and bless you with inspiration and abundant joy.
Thank You! Of course it is the Holy Spirit who really does the touching of hearts.
Beautiful post. I think I’m going to reread your little meditation book. I loved it the first time, but I think it will mean even more the second.
Glad it’s been a blessing.
I know your story, and you know mine. God uses our deepest pain to lead us into the work He wants us to do. May God continue to bless you.
I’ve thought of you all spring long when I’m working in my garden. Searching for lessons that the land and the seeds can teach me. Thank you so much for picking back up and being a blessing to me!
The thought that crossed my mind as I read these poignant words is “It is only the broken that God can use.” We are all but broken vessels with our ugly disorganized cracks running helter skelter, hither and yon. Yet when He places us in the furnace of His choosing, we shall come forth as a useful, beautiful creation that glorifies the Master. You are beautiful and loved, my dear. Breta